“Why Me?” / by Shanelle Gabriel

I’ve long since realized that no matter how good (or bad) a person is, effed up stuff is going to happen. Life is a mix of pain and joy, laughter and tears... and a lot of lessons. When rain comes, it seems to always pour. Rarely do I remember just ONE small thing going wrong. It seems to snowball into a huge mountain. Naturally, when all this falls on your shoulders with no relief in sight, after a flood of curse words comes the words “Why me?” I’ll let you vent a bit; you’ve earned it. It’s natural. However, living in the “Why are things happening to me?” place does the following:

1) Relies on the idea that things are only happening to you. No, bad things in varied levels happens to everyone and effects people in different ways. Struggle cannot be quantified; your 5 difficult events don’t make my one serious event hurt any less. We are all victims of life’s bullshit.

2) Puts us in a a passive place where we feel we must sit and be inactive. Everything we go through requires a response, even if you choose to go numb. One of the best ways to manage your situation is to acknowledge your role in the event occurring and/or put your effort into next steps.

So get it out, cuss at the world or the circumstance. Then, let’s move into the “What is this trying to teach me?”space. This equates to saying “What now? What am I going to do with what I still have? What do I have access to and control of? Is there anything I can do to prevent this from happening? Was it out of my control? What did I learn about the people around me? How much support did I have and who might need to be cut (figuratively, not literally)? What are the blessings I’ve overlooked?” The more you focus on building your future while addressing the present, the shift in energy happens. Of course, this is an oversimplification of a complex process, but on the most basic of levels, getting through trauma requires a shift into regaining/redefining who you are through what you’ve been through. It may teach you where your true passions lie, what really matters in your life, and transition you into a place you never knew you were meant to be in.