NaPoMo Day 25 / by Shanelle Gabriel

I started hating him/ For not loving me/ for not seeing my efforts and my ability/ for not making life easier for me/ for seeing me drowning and still pouring salt water on my head/ for being salty/ for seeing my failures and labeling me a failure/ for not seeing that it's easy for an island to sink beneath the sea/ I started hating him for turning chameleon/ for making me mistake his smile for kindness/ his open hands were handshakes/ and now slaps to the face/ I started hating him for making me hate myself/ even if it was for just a second/ for that moment I didn't know how to defend my action/ and let your crooked words hurt/ I almost hated you/ I still kinda do but I'm slowly realizing that there is a gift in every person's curse/ that there is a healing that comes after every hurt/ that my soul is a mattress for my heart/ I can bounce back/ this end taught me how to keep my pride intact/ how to separate someone's disrespect from someone's own lack of self-respect/ how to set myself up so when someone tries to set me up I got enough to back myself up/ I know how to store enough gangsta for a rainy day/ Store enough perspective to be able to put my attitude in the right place/ I know that when someone comes out their face/ a lot of times it's cause they don't know how to save face/ and some would rather throw people off the train/ than admit the conductor instructions they gave were a mistake./ I'm learning not to sit in hate/ but to run away/ from anyone and anything meant to kill my spirit/ I won't be like him and lose my mind or my grace/ Any person or place/ that's fine with breaking me down/ Will have to learn to be fine without me around/ cause this curse blessed me with the urgency to search for the gift/ that I have now found.